Irony is dead.

Bork Bork Bork

Fri, 11 Jul 2003 12:40:05 GMT

Sleep deprivation looks like a kaleidoscope.

I'll be coming 'round the mountain....

Tue, 29 Apr 2003 17:34:38 GMT

I'm writing a few letters to a few people.

I'm reading. I'm painting. I'm making music. I'm completing my back piece. I'm pulling. I'm suspending. I'm diving in. I'm living. I'm enjoying. I'm alone. and I'm happy.

I'm going to visit a few people this summer. I am in much anticipation of passing out on your couch again.

<3

WOW

Wed, 21 Aug 2002 19:18:00 GMT

I almost forgot I had this page.

whoops

hello out there in LJ land...

Fri, 12 Jul 2002 17:29:48 GMT

hmmmm

So here's an update.

I havn't updated in a while.

I love my fingers raw.

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 12:54:30 GMT

And that is why I am in another band.
so this makes 4.
Red Pill Down, Bipolarity, ...a season for dying, and now Guerilla Transmission

It's like a more rocked out soulful version of Red Pill Down. I finally got around to reading the Lyrics, and I have to say.. They're pretty god damn good. Wade, the singer has been through some shit. Do yourself a favor and go read a few.
Here's one song:

Pulsation
By Franklin Wade David Jennings 96 lines

No pulse.
If ever I wished for a transformation
I would be remiss
Not to think of your still heart.
It has pounded away in its lonely dark crevice
Never questioning seclusion.

It has worked tirelessly
Through these years,
Through the drunkenness,
Through bitter nights without heat,
The choosing between lights or rent,
Borrowing, to payoff borrowing,
While weeping at the campfire stove,
That sits on your dirty cracked linoleum.

It has continued
Through pills,
Whole bottles of pills, my fingers in your mouth,
Entangled, melting, gasping, grabbing, and why me.
It has beat,
Through hunger pangs, and children with pangs,
And next door neighbor's children with pangs.

Thumping through
X's at the door,
At 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and 5:15 a.m.
High on chemicals and full of self-pity,
Begging for life to disappear in front of 5 and 8 year olds,
That already get it.

He is screaming
"I hate you, I hate them, and I hate life," over and over,
Yelling at the stucco ceiling at GOD,
"Kill me motherfucker,
You weak motherfucker!"
Your heart,
Pleading for normalcy.

Hospital visits,
1, 2, and 3 week ones,
January, February, March, and on.

The 1st and 15th
Food Stamps,
The Sisters.
The Sisters with their goddamn cheese, tubs of peanut butter,
And bread,
And being accused of fraud, the government
Declared you made over their allowance for assistance.
Not enough dependants, or dependency - put your name in the paper,
More humiliation, more embarrassment, more, more, and more.
Stealing on the job, drinking too much, much too much,
Much too much.

More of The X.
He's living through car crashes
While trying to run over his new girlfriend
With a car that wouldn't fit up a flight
Of stairs,
Living his life, without paying child support,
In and out of county,
ECI, Hagerstown Cut,
Patuxent Institute, your house,
Your porch--your stoop--your mind--your life.

The kids are naked,
Boiling pots of water to fill the sink and bathe,
The kids are screaming,
And small, boiling pots of water,
You are working,
The kids are small with keys around their necks.
The kids are smaller between the 7th and 14th,
You work without lunch,
You flutter from low blood sugar,
All the while working for other's pulsation
For $85.93 a week,
The kids got to have clothes,
The kids got to have shoes,
The boy gets rubber shoes,
And steals his friends', they were leather.

To make you a star at school,
The boy fights for your pulsation,
You are crying at lunch again,
Ends are not meeting,
Beginnings are fading.
No ways or means.
No math.

You go to the bar at night
To score free drinks from abandoned callers.
They watch dirty pool, and catch
Your empty ink eyes shifting
Towards a tiny wall mirror, clandestinely checking
For smudged black mascara.
They watch
The rise and fall of your chest
As your heart pretends to live
Through sunny eventless days,
Like a first day of life in arms,
Rocking back and forth
Huddled in blankets,
Sleeping.
In the palm of my hand that sits upon your chest-
No pulse.

BooHoo

Mon, 03 Jun 2002 16:59:12 GMT

My tummy hurts. Too much Mt. Dew. Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch =(
Sympathy! shower me with Sympathy! Please!
Somebody??
anybody??

Ramen Soup for lunch.. maybe this will help! mmmmmmmm
and then cigarettes - yes. medicinal tobacco!!!

Aside from my biological civil war my day has been superb.
Work has been busy with me doing many service calls and fixing many issues.
I like it when I can perpetuate the illusion that I know what I'm doing ;)

Meshuggah

Thu, 30 May 2002 13:26:18 GMT

ONSENSE!

I got to ride the Metro into work this morning. I love doing that. Me, a kid, among all these old mother fuckers riding into another day of monotony and servitude. I sometimes get looks from people wondering why such a young kid is dressed so sharply and on the metro sooo early. I pretend I don't notice and dive into my book. I forgot how fucking good The Odyssey is. Homer is all right for a Blind man! (though he didn't write the translation ;). I can feel the verse slowly creeping into my day to day speech. It's pretty amusing.
Even back then they put really high emphasis upon speaking well. It inspires me and reminds me of my own repugnant English skills. Spell check is my friend. It is my leg to stand on in a world that revolves so much around grammar, spelling and articulation. It pisses me off when people boast about how they hate people who can't spell. I don't judge people for not being able to adjust a carburetor, or install a camshaft, or do a tappet adjustment.. for that matter - can they explain exactly what the Doppler effect is (in sound and light), or how about something as simple as the Chain or the Power rule. do they even know what the Four Forces of nature are? It's all fucking relative. Humans are proud. It's easy to put yourself on a pedestal when you find something that makes you better than someone else. Yeah, not spelling is such an odious and deplorable insult to the human mind. Some of us lack retention and memory skills. Fucking sue me.
I loathe written and verbal communication. This is perhaps the very reason why I don’t talk much (usually), and typically write very short entries.

Why does this subject bother me so much? It's the only fault that I will let bring me down. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I know I am intelligent, and I look like a fool to people who can't comprehend half of what I know. Yay for having middle school level spelling ability.

ACK What the fuck was I talking about?.... THE METRO, Right! I rode in on the Metro today because I am leaving at 11 to go to a Wedding. A Jewish wedding. I'm in this Jewish wedding. I'm not Jewish. I have to stand somewhere and do some things. what? I don't know. I just want to smash some wine glasses.

Before spellcheck – 9 words were misspelled on this page.

Few and Far Between

Wed, 22 May 2002 19:06:31 GMT

are my chances of seeing you. =) And when I do get that chance it always leaves me smiling with a childish grin. Even when we argue about our common issue of pi vs Golden Ratio.... (Don't Start!!!!!) =P

Anyhow, I'm sure I'll find my way back to Toronto for mucho funnin. I love that palce and I vow that I will live there in the years to come.

Tue, 07 May 2002 20:54:45 GMT

hmmmmm been a while. lots to rant about. some interesting.. and some relevant. It'll have to happen some other time.
See ya soon.

Sat, 20 Apr 2002 05:53:25 GMT

Went out to some bars with Brian tonight. Had a few pints of Guiness. I couldn't help but think about math. I'm not insulted that we're not talking.

just... reminded of reality.

I don't expect a reply to my letter.

I don't expect to see you when I am in toronto next month.

... though.. it would be nice.

Sun, 14 Apr 2002 02:37:33 GMT

Went to a show tonight. It was most pleasing.

Arg, this will be short, as most of my entries, however it will take me much time to enter it thanx to the fact that my hands are numb from much alchohol.... never enough.

Sam from Escape from reason made me dance with somebody, but it was cool because she was wearing bowling shoes!!! She singled me out ;) yay for things that boost ones self esteem.. I need more of that. ESPECIALLY from things in the physical and NOT from the other end of this fucking computer!

yeah.. a lot on my mind.
none of it coming through the finger tips.
blah.

Sat, 13 Apr 2002 13:57:59 GMT

What do people say behind your back? Find out @ digitalcharisma

Fri, 12 Apr 2002 04:48:25 GMT

heh, tonight was fun. I had band practice in which I was required to produce a new song ;) In keeping with the name 'bipolarity' we each write at least a few songs entirely on our own to furhter express the musical diversity of the band.. and they all dug my offering tonight.. I like what I write, but it's always nice when others do as well.

Then I went to meet up with Eustanik. she's such a sweetheart =) we went into D.C. to go see some art exhibit her friend was having. As it turned out it was at a little ass record store that kicked ass. they had a Melt Banana poster up and it made me think of someone ;) there was a guy there with a shirt that said 'Mathamatics makes the universe....something or other' and it had a Klein(sp?) Bottle on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we went back to her apt. Ate pizza, had a few beers and watched some stupid T.V. show that made me laugh my arse off. 'BlindDate' I think it was. Those little pop-up thingies are funny as shit! yeah.. it's late.. morning comes in 4 hours. Tomorrow night is Thursday and Sparta at The Black Kat. Should be fun ;) they have good micro brew there!

randomness

Thu, 11 Apr 2002 01:42:57 GMT

I know I told someone (as if I have to be all sly like you're not gonna be the only one reading this) I'd write about emotional stuff... However At present all my emotions (in one form or another)more or less revolve around said person.. so I will spare them.

I'm kind of pissed off at myself today for being able to read pages of calculus at work.. yet on the ride hom I couldn't even get in a half a page of Proxy Server... perhaps it's the thought that I actually NEED to learn it for work.. and not to sedate whatever this urge to understand our world is. The more I look back into mathematics the more I realize just how poor I am at it... The main reason I began pursuing math was to break stereotypes that a punk metal head kid was incapable of any sort of intelligence.. While yeah.. I'll admit I can get by... it is forced. and I have never wanted anything more in life than to just be able to understand math. Not just be able to do it.. but to genuinely know it.. to see how the numbers intertwine...

BAH.. childhood fantasies eh? I guess it still says something for the fact that my childhood fantasy was to be able understand complex math and physics instead of the common fantasy of Athlete, Rock Star, Millionaire, etc...

Friday I'm going to see Thursday and the new band formed from members of At The Drive In with my good buddie Brian. Also he has invited me to play bass with him in a new band he is working on... Tori Amos/Poison the Well (shadup you)/ Dillinger Escape Plan.

More time... need more time......

Yay for good shows...

Tue, 09 Apr 2002 22:09:19 GMT

I had forgoten all weekend that In Flames (my Live Journal namesake) is playing tonight. This will be my 4rth time seeing one of my favorite bands. Why do half of my favorite bands have to be from Europe? Soilwork is playing next month, and Meshuggah will be at Ozzfest this year (my soul reason for going is to see them and Down) I have longed to see Meshuggah and Soilwork for a long time now... lets hope I can see it through.

On another note - Clarity.......

don't remind me...

Tue, 09 Apr 2002 09:42:52 GMT

Well, back to the so-called-life. Some things are being changed as a result of this past weekend. I think that from now on. pencils will be put to paper much more often. eyes will once again be forced open to absorb much missed literature. Self improvement will consist of the end of lethargy, and the start of trying to figure things out. I need to understand my emotions, and be able to put my thoughts into words. There is so much I am missing.

Mon, 08 Apr 2002 15:55:01 GMT

I have decided that I don't like writting letters. I suppose it would help if I had any idea of how to say what should be said, and the balls to do it.

But I'll blame logic and reason for keeping quiet.

Wed, 03 Apr 2002 13:40:15 GMT

I just wrote about 30 minutes worth cathardic rant and ramble only to have my fucking U.P.S. device fail and restart ALL of my machines.

I think I'll go have a cigarette. Do some Brooding. and Be pissed off for a little while.

update: Done Brooding.

Tue, 02 Apr 2002 02:08:28 GMT

heh, Tally makes me go hahaha.

Mon, 01 Apr 2002 23:59:02 GMT

I feel nothing but frustration just now. And the desire to break many things.

Mon, 01 Apr 2002 17:51:28 GMT

So yeah... the dentist thing went well. I've been slackin for a long ass fucking time, but finally got a bug up my ass about it. I have a lot of cavities, but somehow my teeth are in good shape.. nice and straight, my gums are healthy... however I've got soft enamel.. whatever the fuck that means. The Doc said 'Hats off to ya my boy for coming in' typical old man banter. The funny thing.. the guy was maybe in his late 20's

I managed to worm my way out of work for th erest of the day, So I am going to the shop to work on my car for the road trip. Gotta replace the valve guides!!! FUN FUN FUN mechanical type shit.

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Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

Goodnight sweetheart, yes it's time to go.

Mon, 01 Apr 2002 05:35:43 GMT

Got the jist of it. I imagine only one person will be reading this for a while. =P I'll give you some juicey tid bits tomorrow.

*divides self by Zero*

What's this button do?

Mon, 01 Apr 2002 04:59:54 GMT

hey, I'm in the cool club now. Lets see if I can figure this place out.